I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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