I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
