i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
