there's paper in my vomit.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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