so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
