i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
