He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
