thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
