i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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