I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
