Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
