Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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