youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
