Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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