I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My vagina is officially offended.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
