Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
There are leaves in my underwear?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
