I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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