Porn is love you can see.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
