So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
