Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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