I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Do vagina's smell?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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