I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
