why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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