She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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