i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
