I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
