Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
