I didn't shave. On purpose
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
