dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
