I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
