I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
