Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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