My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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