I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
