The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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