Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
