is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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