awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
my phone needs a breathalizer
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
