Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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