we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
