I think scott just propositioned me for sex
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
