just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
