I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
