It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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