that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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