Don't make out with my wife yet
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
