Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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