I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
