Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
