I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
