Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
