someone threw a dead crab at me
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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