The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
