I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
