i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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