How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
