she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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