Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
