We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
