She is in my trunk
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
